6 Feb - how would a martial artist think?

a martial artist's devotion.

sometimes i wonder, my heart is narrow and my mind is crowded with useless stuff.
is this the way to seek improvement.
i ask myself is this the way of a martial artist?

they say morality and integrity is what distinct a true martial artist from another.
that the embodiment of the lessons goes beyond pure physical honing but in the materialization of one's actions and behaviour.
i believe it would definitely not hurt to learn more techniques such that when the need arises, the body is willing and trained.
times are rare, or never.
but to why do martial artists still train?
the never ending improvement.
the gratification in knowing you can probably punch the teeth out of the bugger standing in front of you, but you don't, because you exercise control.
the betterment of the body and spirit.
i really don't know.

my body and mind is retarded and uncooperative.
techniques take ages to absorb.
yet why do i still train?

my mind is like a highlight reel.
reeling the moves that i would wish to perform to an unstoppable degree.
a close-in clinch, a take-down.
a simple well-crafted well-timed back-hook to the head in the narrowest of angle and space in the nick of time.
these are all dreams.

my body screams.
my knee begs.
my mind dulls.

is this the right approach?
the lessons are aplenty.
the finance is limited.
the time is a constraint.
the energy is an issue.
the body is spent.

what would a martial artist do?
is it worth pursuing the life of one even?